So I finally got my Alkaline Trio Live at The Metro dvd. I was so excited I began fumbling with the wrapper as soon as I got in the door. I turned on my tv and dvd player and quickly popped the disk inside, exploding with child-like excitement and fond anticipation.
The show starts, the lights are down, and then I see it: A larger-than-life cross, illuminated, and upside-down at the back of the stage. My heart just broke right in two. Shattered inside my chest like splinters of glass.
I mean, don't get me wrong. I've known for a long time that the members of the band were into Satan and the darkside and whatever. But I never knew for sure. I dismissed the info like I would any rumor that I had not checked out for myself. But this was different. This was real. The aching inside my heart told the truth and I tried to ignore the ominous symbol but I could not.
I had to turn it off. I could not watch. I was devastated. My conscience was telling me that I should not expose my eyes to such things, as they were not only disrespectful to my God, but hostile, even violent.
I wrote them a note on myspace, telling them that they had broken my heart and I could not in good conscience continue to be a fan of something that ardently and aggressively embraces the Enemy of God. I would not feel that I was practicing integrity in my life or my faith as a Christian.
And I am getting hatemail from other fans. They call me an idiot. They call me closed-minded. They give me the persecution I have always expected. Standing up for God invites such attacks. I am ready. But it still hurts. The little arrows hit close enough to give a small twinge of pain.
I respond to each attack. I engage them willingly. I want them to understand. They may not, but they will hear me. My words will be tiny arrows piercing them to the heart, for they have not the full armor of God as described in Ephesians 6:10-18.
So leaving them as a fan was terrible for me. It was like breaking up with someone that you are madly in love with, but you know that you cannot continue with them because being around them is akin to ingesting poison. It is difficult. And those of you who know me and know how important music is to me, know how much I love the bands I listen to. They flow through my veins, they turn my heart into a drumbeat, they fuel my being. Music is powerful. It can inspire, it can change, it can comfort, it can kill.
That night, I went to work.
And all night, this guy at the bar kept walking past me as I carried drinks. He had a sleeveless shirt on, and he had a tattoo on his shoulder. It was a black inverted pentagram hovering over a fallen angel. It taunted me the rest of night. It was so bad I had to keep praying throughout the evening to cover myself.
